Out the Backside

I miss the days of office pranks. Seems like once you pass that five year mark you’re supposed to buckle down and work hard all the time. Screw that. Variety is the spice of life, right? Here are my top five favorites:

5. Black Marker on the Hardhat Headband- Happened to Schuter. Never saw it but heard it was great. Nothing like sitting in your owner’s meeting with a solid black line on your forehead 2″ thick. That stuff never comes off either.

4. Greasing the Headset- My boy JC was part of that prank. Laz and JC disengaged the speakerphone option on my bosses phone. So he picked up the headset and the ear piece was LOADED with burn gel. “Real funny Wags” was repeated over and over in my direction. Man, he was pissed but I still got a raise that year.

3. Rotten Food- Nothing better than taking your lunch leftovers and stuffing it in the fluorescent light of your cube neighbor. Why does it smell like fish, shrimp, bananas in here all the time? Nasty.

2. The old water cup under the desk trick- Rarely executed but super effin funny when it happens. Got JC on this one while he was on vacation. Rigged up two plastic cups with duct tape to the underside of Jimmy’s desk. Used a sharpie to make it all black. We filled them with water so when he pulled his chair in they’d dump all over his lap. I had the office next to his and I was there for the fireworks when he came back in town. Heard the F-bomb that Monday AM and he promptly walks into my cube with soaked pant legs asking why I did it. Straight face as always, I blame it on one of the managers which set off a fury of events ending in a keyboard getting thrown at Jimmy. I have to say it was a good day.

1. I Love Men- Three words says it all. TO and Co. rigged up those three words in huge letters on a giant piece of drywall and concealed it under Hammer’s Tahoe rear bumper with tie wire. Soon as he hit the first speed bump that sign dropped down for all to read on the 10 and 51 to Cave Creek. I heard there were people honking and providing the “thumbs up” sign all the way home. The worst part was Hammer’s son discovering the sign after soccer practice with all his friends. Super embarassing.

I don’t get how people are so effin stoopid. So the Beemer was on Ebay and had about 15 hours left until the auction was closed. I had 11 people watching and the price was going up. Checked last night and it said it sold using Buy it Now. Sweet! Checked my email and there’s a message from the apparent winner:

“I was bidding $23,000 for the car and I mistakingly hit the buy it now button. I obviously can’t buy the car for the buy it now price. I sincerely apologize for my mistake. I will honor my bid for $23000 if you want to accept it. Otherwise, please void my bid. Thanks…..”

First, how do you “mistakenly” hit the buy it now button? It only asks you with bold letters ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO BUY IT NOW? Then asks you to confirm after you know you’re sure. Then he says “obviously I can’t buy the car for that price”. Why bid then ya DBag? It’s not like the reserve is at $23,500 when the buy it now is $30,900. I like how he says he will “honor his bid for $23K”. What bid? You hit buy it now Moron! You can’t void a buy it now Ass-Clown. This only reinforces my theory on people from Mesa. I’m impressed he could put full sentences together. Probably had his mom do it since he’s probably still living with her when he’s 30 years old and still can’t afford a Beemer. Anyone want to place a bet on whether he’ll pay my listing fees vs taking the ding from Ebay?

Yeah, that’s right. Four cars.

2005 Infiniti G35 - This will be the keeper for a while. 280hp and RWD will keep my interest up.
2003 Toyota 4Runner - Mama Bear loves this car, I like the V8 when I drive it.
2006 BMW 330i- Sweet ride, just expensive and not very kid friendly.
2003 Chevy Z06 Vette- Been driving it once a week lately. Still a ton of fun.

The bottom two will be gone before the end of March. I need a hobby.

Wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes. Click on photo to enlarge under the front grill.

Big week for Phoenix coming to a close. FBR (Phoenix) Open and the Super Bowl all in one week. Throw in the migration of snow birds and you have too many idiots running around. ESPN was filming out of our new space all week. Met some interesting folks including Jerry Rice, Terrell Owens, Larry Fitzgerald, Ladanian Tomlinson, Ditka, Berman, Emmitt Smith… there are more but I’m not one to drop names. Was fortunate to score a Greenskeeper ticket to the FBR on Friday. Took me back to old times with JC, Seantos, BA, Luke and Jonny GC sitting around pounding RBV’s and beer all day. That was a long evening taking care of baby girl with a rocking headache. Marisa is growing and getting stronger. They’ve scheduled her for another swallow test in a few weeks. I’m praying she passes and we take the tube out. BMW is detailed and in the autotrader. I will really miss that car but won’t miss the payment. Once that sells only a matter of time before the Vette goes too. I feel like Groundhogs Day saying that but it was groundhogs day yesterday. Never had a chance to mention how I enjoyed watching Ohio State get clobbered again in the championship game. Spite… what a wonderful thing. Michigan hoops- horrible. Hockey-impressive. Football- New era with Rodriguez at the helm. Hope he lands that all world QB this week. Would be nice to beat the Buckeyes once in five years. Wings and Pistons are consistent as always. Tigers have an excellent chance this year. What the hell is wrong with the Lions? Consistent in the worst way. Haven’t been able to work out consistently in over two months. I did hit 199 on the scale Friday AM. Felt good but have to wonder if it’s just muscle loss. 190 would be ideal, but unrealistic due to my affection for beer. Speaking of which, G-Money and I made another batch of beer last weekend. Honey brown. Hope it’s good and at a minimum better than the Schlitz I was drinking out of a can. It’s amazing how little time one has in a day with an infant around. Seems like you can have the shortest “to-do” list and only get a quarter of it accomplished. It’s 2:20AM, I’m going to feed her and go to bed. Out!